waiting

I HATE waiting

....    and I hate you ,         

 when you don't call,

Fall

“You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person died for no reason.” 

―

Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

She took her chance

There he was standing, where they decided to meet

She came a long time before him

But she hided herself between the shadows 

until she finish  from making  her  Flower hair band 

She knew how he’ll love to see it on her hair

She lowered her head  trying to focus and make her job  fast and neat

After she  finished, a big smile appeared on her face

 She Wear it and hurried up to him

But the only thing she saw  was his back

He just LEFT, and she just took her chance 

** Shadin

Is it wrong to wish somebody's death?!

?Is it wrong to wish somebody's death

I sat on that dark room alone, letting the door half open. Out of my fear of loosing the since of life and logical thinking, especially after I heard this sentence: [ kill her, kill her, kill that stupid little girl]. It just kept repeating slowly and coldly after

 every few minutes

 as a heart beating of an old dying man

For the first time in my life I scared my self. Was that my thought sound ? Or just Satan’s sound ? The same sound that sent Eve and Adam outside the heaven.

Well, in both cases it does not matter as much as the thought

 of killing itself, and the smile that brings into my face.

Do not judge me, I'm not a criminal I'm just a girl living her age.

But hardly and terribly, all that because of her company. 

What really makes me angry is that I can’t remember why, or when

 I allowed her to enter my life. The same life that she destroy it.

[kill her,  just kill her] the sound returned again, getting louder and louder until other sound disturbed it. It was the sound of nuking on the door.

Sarah entered the room and said:

Mona were have you been?

It's your turn now and you don't want to let the audience waiting to long.

Aren't you?

I stood quickly hurrying up to the stage, after I made a promise to myself that today will be her last. After they introduced me to the audience, I entered the stage looking at the people’ faces.

I did not see her face, but I can swear that she is there. I can feel her existence and even listen to her breath’s sound. I grab the nearest tool I could found, wishing that it would be a knife.

But my hands were holding a microphone instead. I held it strongly near my mouth,  and start coughing twice. Then I started to read the poem that I memorize completely:

[sonnet 13 by William Shakespeare] I said that with a weak vibrated sound.

Looking to her face expirations that was saying yo me: you can't do it.

I remembered my promise, close my eyes  for seconds, and took a long breath.

 After that I repeated the same sentence but with a different high intonation sound. It was the sound of confidence. God only knows how much I missed this voice.

I kept talking and talking, and loosing the sense of time. until

I heard the sound of loud applause that surprised me, and made me happy.

Sara came to me and said: You did a great job out there.

I replayed to her with only a smile on my face. It was not the same smile of the killing thought, this one was different. It was the smile of my succeeding in “doing it”.

I finally killed that stupid little girl that lived too long inside me.

Shadin

3-8-2008

2am

Lebanon